Either you’ve done it or know someone who has. The golf cart wipeout. Whether its running over your childhood pal, flipping it on the 7th fairway, running it into a pond, or flying over a hill and burying it in a fairway bunker; the golf cart wipeout is a hilarious story to tell. Until it isn’t. That hospital bill for Cousin Billy’s broken femur after you rammed him coming out of the port a potty on the back 9 is one that your insurance company will be all too happy to drop you for. I mean the golf cart 500 stories are hilarious, as long as no one gets hurt. Let’s see if we can avoid that part. The following admittedly goes against every instinct you have after 7 beers during the first half of the Boys gone Buck Wild Invitational in Vegas, but I’m trying to save you time in the slammer. Bear with me please.
Rule 1 : Dale Earnhardt was not your Paw Paw and you don’t drive a like him
The cart path is not the Daytona 500. The hill you’re about to crest is not where Evel Knieval broke 317 of the 206 bones in his body. There is nothing on the other side of that hill that requires you to arrive at speed, except maybe the cart girl with your next round, but I promise you, tip her well and she shall wait for you.
Slow down, enjoy the round, and just have fun dropping those marshmallows to aggravate the crap out of the groups behind you in the outing. Not that I have ever done such a thing personally…
Rule 2 : The 90 Degree Rule Is Not Optional
Most courses post signs about the 90-degree rule or the starter will let you know about it. For the uninitiated, stay on the cart path until you’re even with your ball, then turn 90 degrees onto the fairway to reach it. This exists to protect the grass, particularly after heavy rains, which the greenskeeper has spent more time caring about than you cared for that 1984 copy of Playboy magazine you found in the old man’s closet. And you cared for that A LOT.
Ignoring the 90-degree rule is the cart equivalent of cutting in line. Its lame and not great for the people that come after you.
Rule 3 : Don’t Drive All the Way Up to the Green
Amazingly I actually saw a golfer drive OVER the green twice in one round on a course a few weeks ago. That’s just plain ignorant and should result in a course ban. But the area around the green is also sacred ground. It’s soft, it’s carefully maintained to enable better approach shots, and a golf cart has no business being within 30 feet of it. Park on the path or at a reasonable distance and walk. Yeah man, walk a little. The pros do it all the time. Your step counter will appreciate it.
Driving up to the green leaves ruts that affect shots for everyone behind you all day. Respect the course and you consequently respect the game and the other players.
Rule 4 : Don’t Drive Through Someone Else’s Shot
This seems obvious. It is not obvious to everyone.
If someone is addressing their ball, do not drive your cart through their line of sight, through their peripheral vision, or anywhere in their general vicinity. It’s just common courtesy. Park it. Sit still. Wait until the shot is completed before you stomp on the gas pedal like Big Daddy Don Garlits. The thirty seconds this costs you will not affect that 97 you are about to shoot.
Moving carts during someone’s backswing is a violation of golf etiquette so fundamental that even the coyotes on that forest preserve course you like stop yapping when someone is in midswing.
Rule 5 : Return the Cart How You Found It
Empty the cup holders. Remove your tees and trash. Toss the 13 empty Hamm’s cans into a recylcling bin. Don’t leave the cart in a weird place that blocks the path for the group behind you. And for the love of everything that is good and holy, check the cart for your belongings before you leave the course. Especially if you have a magnetic rangefinder. I have done it myself. Get in the habit of putting that thing away as soon as you land on or near the 18th green and no longer need it for your distances. It’s an expensive item to leave behind.
Nobody wants to find a stranger’s half eaten granola bar or empty White Castle boxes (if you live in the midwest, you know the deliciousness but also that summer stink if those boxes are left out in the heat) in their cart on the first tee. This is not a composter. This is someone else’s vehicle for the next four hours.
The Bottom Line
Golf cart etiquette isn’t in the rulebook but it might as well be. It’s the difference between a round where everyone has a great time and a round where someone ends up limping to Urgent Care because the guy driving decided doing dougnuts in the morning dew on the second hole was a good idea. I mean it sounds fun, until it ain’t.
Not that I would know anything about that.
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